# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
