Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
