no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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