I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
