when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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