is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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