we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
