I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
