at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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