You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
worst night to have a conscience
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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