Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
