so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
