I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
