Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
