I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
