I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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