i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
