does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
