she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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