Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
