You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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