youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
