we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sext me about skeletons
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