I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Text me some of your sweat
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
