just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
