connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
