What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
