I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
