OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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