The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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