Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
