he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
