Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
