grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
