she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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