smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
