just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
