Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
