We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
