Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
