you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
