So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
