Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
