final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How's work?
Spinning.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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