Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
