I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
