Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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