Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
