There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You don't make any sense
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