my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
