why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Welp...herpes.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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