She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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