she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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