He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
