i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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